2014 // a survey

I feel like I preface every blog post this way but: Oh my goodness! It has been so long since I've posted, time has flown since I last sat down and wrote and I can't believe that 2014 is almost over. I found this fun little prompt via Jolie, and thought it would be a interesting and well rounded way of looking over the past year! 

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Me and my diploma! ;)

>> what did you do in 2014 that you've never done before?

Had my wisdom teeth removed and went under anesthesia for the first time, graduated high school, went to Hawaii, went scuba diving, became an aunt, turned 19, moved out of my parents house into an apartment, started college, began teaching preschool, got my health figured out, helped plant a church, started eating healthier, became a brief and fleeting internet sensation. There were a lot of "firsts" but these are the ones that really stand out to me.

My first ever apartment, I loved that sweet little space.

>> did you keep your new years resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I can't say that I really make "resolutions". I start each new year with a "theme" or something that I want to really focus and hone in on (usually a character trait or attribute), I also make a mind over matter list (people over problems, for example, choosing people over focusing on "problems" that may come up in the relationship). So I guess the short answer is: nope! But I'll share my mind over matter list in a later post!

Scuba diving 40+ feet underwater in Maui.

>> did someone close to you give birth?

My sister! I became an aunt for the first time and I can't think about it without tearing up. It's so incredible to me how someone so little can bring so much joy and happiness into your life and how overwhelmed you can become with the thought of them. I am SO excited to meet Atalie in a few short days. She really is a beautiful little baby. 

My niece, Atalie Joyce!

A few of my cousins also gave birth! We added: Paislee, Otillie, Barrett and Elouan to the family. (If I'm missing someone, cut me some slack! There are lots of us!)

>> did anyone close to you die?

This year we lost our sweet friend Elaine who passed away after a near 15 year battle with cancer. I loved that lady and remember the night my dad told me she was in hospice I sobbed uncontrollably. A few days later I was going through letters from my graduation and found one she had written me. It was a magical moment, her letter was so encouraging and so comforting. I'm going to miss that woman.

>> what countries did you visit?

None!

>> what would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

Confidence, in a lot of things: myself, others, who I am.

Faith, in a lot of things (ha!)

Optimism, less negativity, just really focusing on changing my attitude and being an all around more thoughtful person who is a lot more kind to herself. I really feel like I let that opportunity pass by often.

>> what dates will remain etched in upon your memory and why?

* this is in no particular order because I'm just not capable of being linear right now, ha*

Ruthanne in the winter

January 8th // I met my friend Ruthanne for the first time. Despite the fact that I got the flu for the first time in 5 years while she was here, it was incredible finally meeting her and seeing how similar we are. We had such a fun time and I miss her lots and wish California wasn't so far away! Lucky me, I saw her again in the summer and you can read more about our day here!

Ruthanne in the summer!

August 25th // Atalie was born! I remember the night my sister called me and told me she was pregnant. (Like I remember the exact location because I had to take the nearest exit to pull off and finish hysterically crying.) It is surreal finally having here. She is the greatest thing ever, FYI.

April // I don't remember the exact day, but I got my wisdom teeth removed. It's not a "happy" memory, but it sure was an experience. I was mostly afraid of dying and full of LOTS of anxiety. I don't remember much after surgery (as in I have NO recollection of the 2-3 days after surgery) I do have texts with photos that I sent moments after I woke up (thanks mom for allowing me to do that), I found random photos that I must have taken, and I remember being really sick and crying because I couldn't eat and was hungry. Haha.

One of the many photos I found on my computer or phone. I was icing my jaw with a pillow case full of ice wrapped around my head with a sweater. 

July 25th // I WENT TO HAWAII! We don't travel far lots, but when we do, we have the BEST time! This was my "senior" trip, I almost went to New York but I'm so glad I did this! Lots of swimming, relaxing, reading books, adventuring and snorkeling!

May 29th // I graduated high school. I know, a lot of you are thinking: "Big woop!" But high school is this huge accomplishment because hello, it took you 12 years to achieve. Plus, you know, it's high school, which is kind of the worst ever. We celebrated with a taco bar, ceviche, peonies, a beautiful cake and lots of my friends and family. I remember being excited to be wearing this gorgeous purple dress and what a beautiful night it was. I love spring!

December 17th // I met my niece for the first time. I remember rushing through my day at work, luckily it was our Christmas party! I dashed out at 1:00 and met my mom and sisters in a WalMart parking lot, I opened the door and saw my sister and just started crying as I hugged her for the first time in almost a year and a half. Atalie had just woke up and I just remember staring at her in disbelief. All the photos and Facetimes that led up to that point didn't compare. 

>> did you suffer illness or injury?

I talked a little about that in this post, how I thought I was going mentally insane (extreme depression and anxiety, I was really low and health wise erratic. It was equal parts scary and frustrating.) Robin Williams had died around the time I was really struggling, I remember being SO terrified and relating in this way that internally caused me to panic. I eventually got to the point where I was forced to get help, I called my parents up and we found an amazing doctor who encouraged me and comforted me and made things happen.

On the (sort of) other side, I am MUCH healthier and happier, I am so blessed with an incredible support system and forever thankful for doctors and counselors and people who came along side me and took my burden and made it their own. Community was 90% of the solution. I'll keep it short here, but if you want to read more, read about it here!

>> who's behavior merited celebration?

Who's didn't? I'll make a short list, but honestly, I owe lots of celebration to an array of people.

My parents -- They are the drop-everything-no-questions-asked type of people. They love with no bounds or expectations, I will call at 2 AM and they will be in my house in 30 minutes, whether I ask or not. They have supported me, listened to me, provided for me and done it with grace and love. I hope that one day I can be half the parents they are. Don't even get me started on the type of people they are: giving, hard working, gracious. They truly are incredible.

My sisters -- One freaking GAVE BIRTH to a HUMAN BEING, after growing her for 9 months. That's pretty admirable in my opinion. The other two are just so giving of their time, talents, resources and gifts. I have an amazing family obvi.

>> what did you get really, really excited about?

Becoming an aunt, Angela Kinsey liking our Instagram photo, graduating, moving out, going on vacation. 

>> what did you get really, really excited about?

I feel like when I experience emotions that I feel them completely. If I'm happy, I'm REALLY happy, if I'm sad I'm REALLY sad. I got really, really excited about a lot of things: scuba diving, traveling, falling in love, meeting my niece, CHRISTMAS, shooting weddings with Terra.... 

I get really, really excited about life I guess.

>> what songs will always remind you of 2014?

The whole Taylor Swift album. I love her. She wins every award in my book.

>> did you go on vacation?

HAWAII!!! Here are some of my favorite photos, I spent 12 days there!

Worlds most non-awkard snorkel photo

From our scuba dive

My life was completed after this. I could've died (or gone home) and been happy for life.

Training for the olympics (or learning how to dive)

Channeling my inner sixth grader

My dad/adventure buddy

My beauty of a little sister, this was our last dinner on the island at MonkeyPod's Kitchen, aka heaven on earth.
I miss you garlic truffle oil fries. 

Honorable mention: I gave Colin a gift certificate to go to a Mariners game during Valentines Day, so we sat 6 rows back from home plate and enjoyed a fun, beautiful Seattle day together! 

>> what do you wish you had done more (and less) of?

WHERE DO I START?!

More // loving myself, forgiving, moving forward, spending time with Jesus, quality time with others, blogging, reading, writing, spending time with myself and for myself

Less // time on my phone, fighting with myself and others, regret, complaining, thinking about past mistakes or hurts 

>> what new food did you discover?

I (reluctantly) had to start eating healthier about September of this year and it was HARD. I originally started on a SIBO diet because I had a nasty bacteria growing inside me (yay!), and have transitioned onto paleo/whole30-esque choices. 

That being said, I've loved the book Against All Grain and have had some yummy food from there. My favorites are: these hot wings (super easy and yumm-o), she has a recipe for salsa verde chicken that is AMAZING (I can't find an online recipe link), Meat-za (pizza made with a meat crust, topped with yummy veggies and more meat if you like) it's super customizable and Colin's mom introduced it to me, a great game day meal! (GO HAWKS!)

I'm excited to try more healthy food options and I'll talk more about whole30 and paleo foods and the effect it's had on my body in a later post!

>> what was your favorite TV program?

Scandal (although I'm quickly getting irritated with the back-and-forth relationship between two of the main characters who will remain un-named due to spoilers)

NEW GIRL 

Reckless (I AM SO SAD THAT THIS SHOW IS ONLY ONE SEASON AND WASN'T PICKED UP AGAIN AFTER IT AIRED.)

And of course: THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON.

>> what was the best book you read?

Where'd You Go Bernadette? will forever be one of my favorite books. Its equal parts funny, interesting, heart breaking. I don't know WHY I love it so much, but I do. I love books that give me perspective. I tend to be very set in my ways, especially when it comes to what is "right" and "wrong", this was one of those books that shed new light to a lot of subjects. 

Gone Girl was one that I finally finished reading. It took me a few chapters to get into and I thought that it was going to be too complicated to follow, but Gillian Flynn does such a good job of interweaving a million and one stories and keeping it easy to follow (and hard to put down!)

Beautiful Ruins was another that was hard for me to get started with but I fell in love with by the end. Really captivating and interesting.

>> what did you want and get?

I wanted answers to my health mainly. I remember feeling so out of control, scared to get out of bed with no desire to tackle anything, those were the moments where I pleaded with God to heal me, show me answers, save me. I was also terrified of answers, scared that they would be grim and crippling, but I knew that the only way that I would be safe was getting help. I was blessed to get positive answers, one with tangible answers and clarity.

>> what did you want and not get?

I'm not quiet sure how to answer this one, so pass? Ha.

>> what was your favorite film of the year?

So I don't really watch movies, I have a hard time sitting still (give me books all day, errday though). Gone Girl was amazing though! I found that it stayed right on track with the book and it was a great display of talent as well! Wild was also a fun one to watch, although it wasn't Colin's favorite, he was really inspired to hike the PCT... :/ Crap.

>> what did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I turned 19! And I celebrated with church, pizza, the Seahawks and friends. 

>> what is one thing that would've made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I'm not sure how to answer that one. I could choose selfish, shallow things like money (hahahaha), but I actually was really blessed financially. Honestly, it would have to be how I treated myself and others, I wish I was a lot more kind. I really beat myself up sometimes and in turn, hurt others, not intentionally. I really think I could've had a made my year more satisfying and my experiences more gratifying in that sense if I had just learned to let things go and BE KIND DANG IT.  

>> how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

Hmmm, that one is difficult because I wouldn't define my style as one type? I wear a lot of leggings/jeggings (praise hands) and comfy tops. Honestly, I teach preschool and wear an apron half of my day, I also wake up 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, so it's not like I really spend hours on myself in the morning. (P.S. I totally keep clothes forever too) My go-to outfit it black leggings, some sort of shirt (lacey, aztec, plaid, tee) that goes under two of my FAVORITE light jackets (denim vest/sweater and hunter green vest/sweater lolz), combat boots, boots or flats.

I like a lot of street-style Seattleite clothing, but I also dig femine flair as well. Short answer: I DON'T KNOW WHATEVER I GUESS! If you would like to see what appeals to me head over to my Pinterest style board right here. 

I texted Colin and this was his response: 

Okaaaay. Not sure what he means by that BUT! I will take it. Here are two pictures I managed to take of outfits that will also suffice as evidence:

The afore-mentioned lacey shirt and plaid and flats. 

The afore mentioned denim vest/sweater/shirt combo FTW.

>> what kept you sane?

Netflix, books, writing, journaling, napping, laughing. I know, such a basic answer but those were the first things that popped into my head. COMFOOOOORT!

>> which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

JIMMY FALLON I LOVE THAT MAN!!! I religiously watch the Tonight Show (the day after because hashtag broke college kid who can't afford cable but hashtag I love you Hulu) He is the best, funny, down to earth, humble, witty. Here are two pictures of him just because.

I also really appreciated Emma Watson really stepping out and being an all around champ with her work for women's equality, she did it with such grace, tact and class. Nick Johnson and Zooey Deschanel really captured my heart this year with their work on New Girl as well as Taylor Swift because, well she's Taylor Swift.

>> what political issue stirred you the most?

It's not so much a political issue as it was a social issue or something that made national news and hit close to home: the death of Robin Williams and the light it shed on mental illness such as depression. That really stirred up a lot of emotion and passion in me, I'm sharing a screen shot of a Facebook post from the day he died I wrote that really captures my heart behind depression and mental illness and it's stigma in the US.

As I've shared here before I too have struggled with anxiety and depression and shared about that here (and will be sharing more this coming year), 2014 was really hard for me in that regard and when Robin passed, I was in the thick of a storm. I felt like I should be embarrassed for what I was going through but was struggling because I knew it was something I couldn't control and needed help with. When he died I was infuriated that people would say things like: "He was selfish! He should've told someone!" As someone who has been there (and I am by no means justifying suicide), I know how hard it is to ask for help and I know how crippling and lonely it becomes. I feel there is a stigma surrounding mental illness as well as a lack of education and understanding and I feel like there needs to be a MASSIVE discussion about it. 

>> who did you miss?

I missed my sister, brother-in-law and niece the most. They live in East Asia and up until about a week and a half ago I hadn't seen them in almost a year and a half. I am already sad to know that their trip is ending here in a few weeks and that it will most likely be another year and a half before I see them again. :(

>> who was the best new person you met?

I didn't MEET her (as I've known her since my freshmen year), but I got to work with my sweet friend Katie Taylor as I designed her wedding invitation (insert shameless plug here):

Anyways, she was so patient and really let me do something I'm passionate about (but really nervous to actually DO), she is also hilarious, encouraging, beautiful and wonderful. I can't wait to see what her and Neil do together and I wish that we were more of real life friends. Katie, if you're reading this, you're the best, in 1000 different ways.

Katie and I the summer of 2013 serving on a missions trip

>> tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2014

++ love yourself

++ don't be afraid (or too prideful/independent) to ask for help

++ WORK HARD

++ start now

++ read your bible and pray 

>> quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Will you be surprised if it's a TSwift song? HA. But really, I feel this is applicable in all areas. Some days I would lock myself in my bathroom or car or room, blast this and dance around until I stopped crying, worrying, being angry or sad. THANK YOU TAYLOR SWIFT.

But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop moving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it offHeartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off

I never miss a beat
I'm lighting up my feet
And that's what they don't see
That's what they don't see
I'm dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that's what they don't know
That's what they don't know
But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop grooving
It's like I got this music
In my mind, saying it's gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off

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To everyone who finished this post: You da real MVP. But really, to friends, family and everyone who made me smile, encouraged and even challenged me this year, thank you.

I hope that everyone wraps up this year with peace, laughter and enters the new year with anticipation, joy and GRACE! I have so many big dreams for this year, especially for my writing and KMW so stay tuned!