kelly meets australia (!!!!!!!!)

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

A print that says just that sits a top my nightstand and has for the past year. It's followed me to 4 different homes, 4 bedrooms, 4 apartments and 4 walls. It's been a small little guy, a tiny reminder among my cluttered wall of words. Words are my thing, they comfort me and challenge me and this was quote was just another cluster of words that did just that. Often I would look at the words and think about what I feared...

Fear is the root of a lot of my choices and who I am. Fear is the root of my insecurity, fear has inhibited me from being me, unashamedly, it has kept me from sharing my faith, it's paralyzed me, coursed through me and been present in almost every area of my life. 

Fear has been my controller. 

Last year when I graduated I was afraid to move away from home. Afraid to leave the comfort of the roots I had laid down, afraid to leave my friends and family, afraid of so many things but mostly afraid that I couldn't live a happy, joyful life that had adventure and spontaneity. I was so afraid that I told myself that I wasn't "that girl" that could do those sorts of things. So, I went to school online, something I that I loved every second of and that I'm positive was all part of Gods perfect plan. I wrote about my choice in college in this post and I still stand by every word that I wrote. I will forever be grateful for what transpired within that year and the process and repercussions of that choice. I also was able to teach an incredible class of 40 kids ranging in ages of 3-5. I fell in love with life through their eyes and adored my job, one of the best experiences of my life hands down. I saw some pretty incredible things, made new relationships that shattered walls and boundaries I had put up, let go of a few things that were holding me back and fell in love with Jesus all over again. 

Not for one second do I feel any shame or regret in the choices I made, even if they were choices made out of fear instead of faith. I truly believe that each incident, person, failure and triumph since I graduated was God preparing me for right now. He was constantly working in those choices and in those moments and they were collectively preparing, shaping and refining me for right now.

What is right now you ask? Right now I'm planning on doing (easily) the craziest thing I've ever attempted. I'm picking up that little print and moving it to its 5th home, 5th wall and 5th flat in September.  

That home is Sydney Australia. 

It was strange really how this opportunity fell into my lap. It came about after a conversation with a friend of a friend who lived in Australia and I flippantly remarked afterwards: "How fun would it be to go to school there?" At the time I was thinking about becoming a graphic designer, something that I had quickly and passionately fallen in love with, but hadn't given much serious career thought to. After that remark though, I did a quick google search, found an incredible school with a program that I immediately fell in love with and then shut my computer and didn't think much of it. Classic Kelly.

In that few months afterwards it kept creeping up.

I would log into Pinterest and be captivated by every single graphics piece that popped up in my feed. Suddenly, my "Suggested Pins" were tutorials for Illustrator and graphics rather then clothes or home decor. I helped a friend make invitations for her wedding and was giddy with the thought of rushing home and spending the night behind my computer carefully crafting a beautiful piece for her. I would spend my free time signing up for online classes, browsing sites like Creative Market, listening to podcasts by graphic design entrepreneurs, completely immersing myself and falling in love with this outlet where I could express myself. 

However, every time I considered going to school for graphic design it always involved Australia and I quickly pushed it away and hurried it out with an excuse: "I couldn't move away from home to Australia.", "I couldn't go to school for 40 hours a week.", "My parents would never let me do this.", "I would never let myself do that."

January rolled around and I began feeling like I needed to seriously consider going to college. I loved bible school but where I was attending wasn't accredited and I felt my heart going another direction. I applied to the local state school and got accepted with a lovely scholarship and was thrilled. I even got accepted into their graphics program only to find out that it was getting phased out and in 2019 when I would graduate the degree wouldn't exist. 

Honestly, I was angry. I had felt for certain that this was what I wanted and what I was going to do with my life. I had found something that I was passionate about, something that inspired me and motivated me, a task that was creative and an outlet for who I was and what I loved. I had taken the initiative and applied to a school and felt confident with my choice, something that is often difficult for me to do and done with much caution and consideration. Once again, I was suddenly and abruptly back at square one. 

Frustrated, I hesitantly looked back at the school in Sydney and fell in love again. Fear still held me back and the excuses kept running through my mind, so I didn't think much of it. One night at dinner with my dad I casually mentioned something and he was excited. So, in true Kelly form, I became suddenly obsessed.

I was going to Australia come hell or high water.

On February 17th I called my dad and said (crying): "I'm moving to Sydney. I want to go to school there." And he, being the fantastic guy that he is, said: "If that's what you want to do, do it. Let's start praying." 

Internally I kind of went: "Crap. I was sort of just kidding. Is this really happening?" But, nonetheless, I was excited. At this point, I wasn't really even hesitant and I felt sure that this was where I needed to be. I was more worried that it was sort of this HUGE undertaking, you know moving across the world, going to an intensive graphics program and being away from family was kind of what I've been avoiding all this time.

I wasn't worried that God wasn't able or that this wasn't His plan, I was worried I couldn't handle it. 

So I prayed a very candid, very You-just-gave-me-the-craziest-dream-and-desire-I've-ever-had-so-the-balls-in-your-court-home-dawg prayer that went something like this: "God, if this is what you want for my life, if this is Your will, make it happen. All I want is to honor and follow and live a life worthy of the calling that You've placed on it. If this is it, provide me the finances, give me the peace, send me the community, you know my heart, you know my end days, you know what's coming, I want to be honoring of that. Make it clear in my heart and mind that this is what You want from me and I will do it."

I prayed that prayer every day for a few months with not a lot of progress in plans. I had my parents blessing and support, I was excited, I had options I was looking into, but no permanent plans. Since the second I decided to go, not once did I feel anxiety, not once did I feel this need to control or that everything was out of my control, I felt nothing short of peace and confirmation that everything would happen in its own time I just needed to have faith. 

That was enough for me to know that I was right where I needed to be and I was doing just what God had called me to do. For the first time I wasn't living in fear, I was living in faith.

To keep the post short I'll save the crazy stories of Gods provision within that few months for another time but! I will say this: I have no doubt that Gods hand has been in this process even when I graduated last May. He was preparing the greatest faith building experience and blessing of my life thus far in ways that 12 months ago I wasn't even aware of. How good is our God that when we are full of fear, when we are distant from Him and don't have faith, He is still faithful, still good and still working?

Three months ago I committed my plans to the Lord, I asked Him to take away anxiety, give me peace and clarity and He exceeded every prayer or plan I could've said or dreamed up.

There are so many people who have encouraged me, prayed for me and guided me within this process. My parents have been incredible, so loving, caring and supportive, my sister Jessica has offered wisdom, comfort and laughter that has encouraged and relieved me more then she'll know. My church has come alongside me with excitement and additional prayer, my friends have been incredible, equal parts devastated to see me leave (which has been great for bolstering my ego) and excited to see what comes. My boss was so gracious when I told her I wasn't coming back next year and has taught me so much the past year that has shaped me for what's coming down the pipe, my friends in Australia have helped me find roommates, community, church and promised me adventures galore, all while also praying for me and proving to me that the best is yet to come. This list could go on forever but what I'm getting at is this: God has been so gracious in the people He has given me. 

If you're the praying type and think of me, I would be forever indebted to you if you lifted me up. Financially, emotionally, physically as well as making sure I get visas, plane tickets, a flat for my flatmates (!!!!!!!!) and I, my family, my peace of mind and that I would have the time of my freaking life.

Nine months ago I thought I had stumbled across a "random" website, a far off school that only existed in my wildest, most unattainable dreams. Six months ago I applied and got accepted into WSU and thought that was where I was headed for the next four years. Three months ago I found out that the program I applied for was gone and I decided to give my hopes and dreams and plans to God and He did the impossible. And then, five seconds ago I secured my spot at Shillington College of Design in Sydney.

And to think I almost missed this, missed life, missed adventure, because of fear.

To God be the glory.